Anderson Family Thanksgiving Update

We are here in rural MN!! Here's a quick run down of the Anderson family Thanksgiving frolic and drama, thus far:


- Airplane ride with Aubrey went very smoothly. She's an angel to travel with until...
- Got to the rental can and Aubrey hated the smell of the air freshener so much she started to cry and screamed, "This car smells disgusting!" Right in front of the Enterprise lady. That lady was a bitch anyway, so it's all good. 
- Boyfriend arrived on a separate flight and has been on good man behavior
- Mom fell and broke her shoulder yesterday (uh... yes)
- Went to a big indoor water park with Aubrey, SIL, nephew and boyfriend today which was a much needed getaway from the house for the kids. And adults. 
- Have eaten more carbs in 3 days than I've eaten in all of 2011 leading up to now
- Found out my mom's bathroom scale is 4 lbs under actual weight. DAMN YOU SCALE!
- Got my newsletter mailed out
- Got an interview for a show I'd love to be on
- Watched the new episode of Modern Family with MY Modern Family
- Ate Dairy Queen and Culver's - awwwwww yeaaaaaahhhh!
- Back is killing me from the very stiff mattress in my parents' guest room
- Having a great time being with Aubrey. She makes every day sun shiny!


Tomorrow is the big T-Day. We'll see if my boyfriend drinks too much and picks a fight with me, how long it takes for either my dad, my brother or me to yell at my mother to sit down and rest (remember, she broke her shoulder?! She WILL attempt to do it all with a sling and an oxygen tank.) and if Aubrey can make if through one more day with her cousin without a time out. She came VERY close tonight.


Tis the season! I give thanks for my interesting family. What else would I blog about?

Comedian Amy Anderson On The Road Part III: Snow Storm!!

Greetings from Marshall, MN - the southwestern part of the state! A big chunk of the Midwest got hit with a snowstorm overnight and lucky me, it includes all the areas I'm currently in and supposed to be driving through today and tomorrow.

When I checked forecasts before leaving CA, it didn't look like this kind of weather was going to happen, so I didn't bring any gloves or a hat or even my regular winter jacket (smart, Anderson) but I'm a true Minnesotan at heart. I've had my cheap hotel waffle and a hot beverage and I'm ready to brush off that car and head to South Dakota! Nothing can stop my comedy. (Except maybe a Krispy Kreme donut.) (Or a little more snow.)

My Big Run In With Small Town "Law"

At least I got a picture

I'm going to warn you right now: This post is a rant.  You have been warned.


I'm on tour this week, traveling through the heartland of our great country - northern Illinois, Iowa and South Dakota.


Yesterday, while driving through Mason City, IA I decided to stop and take a gander at the Frank Lloyd Wright Stockman House.


While crossing the main street in town, in my rented Ford Focus, I passed a car. It was a student driver car and it practically came to a stop in the middle of the intersection, so I passed it on the right hand side.


Suddenly, I heard a horn honking. Not just like "honk honk" but HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK... This guy had something important to honk.


Now, before I proceed with the rest of my charming small-town story, I'd like to note, it was Sunday afternoon and it was cold and gray. There was almost NO one outside and no one on the roads. I was probably driving about 20-25 mph at the time I passed this guy. I have a 100% clean driving record and in 22+ years of driving have only been pulled over twice for speeding and received only one ticket about 9 yrs ago. I'm far from being a reckless driver.


After the barrage of honks subsided, I realized this clown was now following me. When I got to The Stockman House, I parked at the curb and this self-appointed douche bag vigilante did the same and proceeded to get out of his car and approach mine, motioning to me to roll down my window like he was some sort of cop.


Now, in hindsight, it was at this point I should have just driven away, but honestly, for all I knew in a crap-hole town like Mason City, IA this guy maybe WAS the cop, so I thought I'd hear what he had to say.


At that point he told me I passed him illegally back at the intersection and he already called it into the police and it was probably going to cost me a $500 ticket. OK, so in hindsight, THIS is when I should have told him to told him to stop harassing me and driven off... over his toes. 


He was condescending, he kept insisting I was from Alaska (apparently Alaska and South Dakota licence plates look alike?) and he was attempting to intimidate me by saying the police know him and he reported it so they might want to talk to me now... blah blah blah blah blah. Oooh! I'm shaking in my boots Mr 65 Year Old Fat Driving Instructor man.


This was one of those situations where I can now think of a million "should haves" - after the fact. But at the time I was so shocked and amazed at what was actually happening that I was kind of speechless. I also tend to be way to nice to people, overall, but I'm thinking of abandoning this policy.


I really don't like to pull the race card or the female card, but let's face it - people are fucking racist and sexist in this country. I'm not saying it's so much better in other countries, but it's 2011 and it's time for America to get its shit together. If you can't treat your fellow Americans, who aren't the same as you, with respect then go back to where YOU came from.


Was this a racist incident? I don't know but I'm leaning toward yes and I guarantee you it was a sexist incident. There is no way that fat, somewhat elderly white man would have had the balls to approach and verbally assault and threaten a grown OR young white man or man of color, or probably even a black female - because of FEAR. But a small, young looking Asian woman? That's someone he felt he could take and he even admitted to me, after I talked him out of his arrogant tree, that he thought I was "much younger". Thanks for the compliment pops, but I'm not some scared little FOB girl you can frighten, although I did let him waste WAY too much of my time.


I'd like you to take a look at the demographics of the sweet town of Mason City, IA:

http://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/19/1950160.html


Mason City, the much beloved town of Meredith Wilson's The Music Man,  is a bunch of uneducated, middle aged-elderly white people. So why am I shocked that I have some sort of questionably to blatantly racist incident when I am in smaller towns in Iowa? I need to give small town Iowa more credit for what it is. Small in more ways than one.


Last time I was in a small town in Iowa, I sat in a mom and pop diner and listened to two women behind me go on and on about how much they disliked some "oriental" guy because of the way he smelled and dressed. And he wasn't just an "oriental" guy, they literally said he was "some kind of oriental" and the disdain in their voices was blatant.


In all fairness, it's not just Iowa. Iowa is just on my shit list right now because I've been there a lot recently. I've had shady incidents all over the country but particularly in the upper Midwest. This is espeially disheartening to me because I grew up in Minnesota and I hated it for this reason, 20+ years ago! I got teased a lot as a kid and I couldn't wait to leave, but I hoped it would have changed a bit by now. I guess not?


Probably the worst racist incident I've ever had was when I was living in South Minneapolis. A woman in a truck got mad at me for not letting her cut in front of me in a long line of cars at a light. She rolled down her window and started screaming at me, "You stupid chinky bitch! You people can't drive because of your fucked up chinky eyes! Learn how to drive you stupid chink bitch!" She went on for the entire light. The best part is when I started to say something back to her, she would roll up her window. All racists are cowards.


With all the recent racism against Asians and Asian Americans highlighted in the media (the Alexandra Wallace video, the negative Japanese earthquake responses, Gilbert Godfrey jokes on Twitter, etc) I admit I'm a little on edge. I'm tired of being treated like a foreigner in my own country. I'm tired of having to politely answer ignorant questions and educate stupid people in awkward situations. I'm sick of reading friends' blogs and finding out their little children are being called niggers and chinks on the playground. None of this is acceptable and if you think people of color, people who are gay, people who are non-Christian are ruining the United States then GET THE FUCK OUT and find yourself a better place to live. YOU are the ones ruining this country. You are the ones spreading hate and fear, brainwashing your children with the same poison. SHUT UP! I feel sorry for your kids and it pisses me off that you think you represent "Christian" values when all you are is the devil here on earth. People who live out a true Christian example are embarrassed by you. Over 75% of the people in the US identify as "Christian" but I sure don't see 75% of the people in this country acting like Christians. And yes, yes I did go there. Don't get your undies in a bunch. Or do. I don't really care.


And for those of you who aren't bigoted a-holes, it's still your responsibility to teach your children to treat all people with respect and kindness. If you don't teach anti-racism and anti-hate to your kids, then it's open season on their minds at school, on the playground, at the mall - they will be taught by someone else. If that's what you want, then say nothing and act like it dosen't affect you so it doesn't matter.


And to my white friends who act so shocked and surprised when I tell them these things happen, well screw you too. Believe it and be part of the solution.


I'm now going to brave some cooler temps and go for a run outside in Madison, SD. This town is one tenth the size of Mason City, IA. Let's hope things so smoothly.

We Partied Like It Was 1990... Sans Hair

Dorky enough for ya? One of the BEST days of my life! FREEDOM!

Last weekend, I attended my 20th high school reunion in Excelsior, MN. I graduated from Minnetonka High School in 1990 and let's just get the unpleasantries out of the way right now. No, I did not enjoy my high school experience very much. In fact, I was dying to get out of this school and lived for my escape to college on the East coast.


This is not to say that I didn't have some wonderful friends - some of whom I'm still good friends with today - and even received a top notch education there. Academically, it was an excellent public school and even though I didn't crack a book or earn an A while I was there, I did actually learn something. For instance, see what a fabulous writer I am now? (Just don't ask me what X equals. I still don't know.)


Minnetonka was a "good" school because it was in an upper class suburb. What I have learned time and time again since then is that "good" schools are often full of "bad" kids. There was an amazing sense of entitlement amongst the kids at Minnetonka High School and I don't imagine it's too different today. The disparities between the categories of kids (jocks, nerds, cheerleaders, headbangers, geeks, etc) were abysmal. I know these "classes" of popularity exist at any school, but they were extra special lame as shit at my school. 


One very popular girl who sat right next to me in a class day after day, never once said a word to me until she saw me driving a red convertible home one afternoon. The next day, she said, "I saw you leaving the parking lot yesterday. You have a really nice car." I said, "Oh it's my mom's." She said, "Oh." And she never spoke to me again. We were sixteen. You see, if you didn't drive a car to school after you turned 16... LOSER. We had a two page, color spread in our senior yearbook dedicated to students' cars. No, really. It was a snotty school with its fair share of mean kids.


I was one of those mid-level floaters. I had friends all over the place - jocks, brains, music nerds, art geeks, cheerleaders - but my closest friends were the brains. The over achievers. Why? I still don't know to this day. The only thing I can come up with is that maybe I thought hanging around the kids who cared a lot about their grades would somehow make up for my lack of effort. I was that kid who never studied, never listened or took notes and then would get a decent enough grade on the tests to pass the class. I turned in about 3/4 of my assignments. I never did extra credit. I just. Didn't. Care.


I never went to a school dance. I didn't go on a date until college. I only did three extracurricular activities my entire four years there (Madrigals, women's quartet and cross country skiing. I was horrible at the latter but it was the genesis of a lifelong love/hate relationship with running as there was no snow the year I joined.)


I was one of a very small group of ethnic minorities in our school. There were some ESL students who weren't mainstreamed in our classes and there were a few other Asian kids, a few Jewish kids, there was one girl who was half black and... well that was it out of 450 in our class. I felt like an outsider and dreaded going there every day. I didn't have a super happy family life at the time and if it hadn't been for my closest friends, I don't think I would have made it through.

Some of my besties!

One would think that a student of this ilk would be somewhat bitter about their high school years but it's soooo far in the past now. Like, um, 20 years. WHAAA?!! Enough water has gone under the bridge and at our reunion, I was pleased to find that the people from Minnetonka's class of 1990 have grown up into lovely adults. At least the ones who came to the reunion. I'm guesstimating (don't you hate that word?) far less than half of our class showed.

I've known both of these people since elementary school!

The most interesting part of the reunion was hearing what people were doing with their lives. There were some surprises, but most were typical. And I mean that in a good way. I guess what I'm getting at is the people who you thought were so much prettier than you, smarter than you, more popular than you, or whatever - well, 20 years later they're mostly all collecting a paycheck, raising kids, putting on bigger clothes, combing fewer hairs on their heads - and in this case, seemed a little more down to earth than maybe they were as a teenager. I can only hope they are raising their kids to be a little kinder and gentler as well.


I'm glad I went. I can't say the prime rib buffet, cash bar and Target bakery cupcakes with blue frosting 'M's were worth the $50, but seeing some people from my past as actual people for the first time was. And I stole two dozen cupcakes on my way out the door. So it's all good.

The Sweet Taste of Reunion

The Joke Joint, April 22-24! Woohoo Minnesota!!

I can't believe my trip to Minnesota is only a week and a half away. I'll be heading to the Land of 10K Lakes on the 15th (Got those taxes done? I don't even want to talk about it.) to showcase at the Northern Plain NACA (Nat'l Assoc for Campus Activities) Convention, down to Iowa for a show at Wartburg College and then on to The Joke Joint in Bloomington to headline a weekend of five shows. I'm so excited as these are the first club dates I'll be headlining in Minnesota. Up until this point I've only performed at colleges, private events and theaters.

Please come out to support me and this great club if you get a chance. There are FIVE shows to choose from so unless your dog is having a hip replacement surgery, I don't want to hear the excuses! HA! Seriously, it would mean the world to me to see YOUR smiling, laughing face in the crowd. I hope you can come - and bring everyone you know. If I can put butts in the seats, the club owner will invite me back next year. That's how this business operates. Here are the details:

April 22-24

The Joke Joint

(Inside the Ramada at the Mall of America - the old Thunderbird Hotel)

2300 E American Blvd

Bloomington 55425

CLICK HERE to buy tickets online - these shows will sell out - I hope!

Box Office: 612-327-0185

Thurs, April 22 @ 8pm

Fri, April 23 @ 8pm & 10:30pm

Sat, April 24 @ 7:30pm & 10pm

Baxter, MN - Land of 10,000 Yawns

Hi Ho!

I'm in the beautiful town of Baxter, MN. This is where my parents live and I have come up to visit with them and help them out around the house while my dad recovers from a hip replacement surgery. While I'm glad to be here for them, sitting indoors most of the day made me realize how active I am. I'm not very good at sitting still unless it's in a movie theater or there is food going into my mouth. My parents' house is not a movie theater, but there are donuts and chips here. There will be running and swimming when I return to SoCal. Like a big dummy, I forgot my running shoes and have only gotten out for short walks.

SO, I am feeling a bit lethargic and doughy.  I can't stop yawning! It's really weird feeling this way because I'm so used to chasing around a toddler and/or trying to get one million things done before she wakes up or after she goes to bed. Life moves fast in the Anderson house. The Anderson house in L.A., that is. Things are a little slower post-hip replacement here at the Anderson house in Baxter. 

I have done such exciting things as: prepare meals, wash dishes, clean up cat barf, clean up cat barf, prepare meals, wash dishes, take out the trash, clean up cat barf, brush the cat, fill the bird feeder, prepare meals and wash dishes. It's all part of being here, for now.

Also, this is not the town I grew up in. My parents retired here a few years ago and it's a little, uh, rural for my taste. These are some pictures from my outing to the lovely mall today. Enjoy. This truck has so many things going on, I'm not really sure where to look: the Confederate flag, a Jesus fish, 2 McCain bumper stickers, 2 Marriage = (stick man) + (stick woman) bumper stickers, the side window has an American flag with an eagle on it and the license is a Vietnam vet plate. LOTS going on! 

I'll be home a few days and then I'll be getting ready for my daughter's 2nd birthday party! Yo Gabba Gabba theme! WOO-HOO! I can't wait! I hope you are all having a fun and productive week... yawn.