In case you missed it, here is the holiday Smilebox card I made for friends, family and fans. Aubrey and I really did have an amazing year. It was not without its ups and downs - like some HUGE ups and downs - but as I look back, I am proud of how much both of us grew and learned in 2011.
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As you probably know, I am a single mom and tonight was a Christmas Eve of solitude for me. Aubrey's dad and I have shared custody and she is at her other home for Christmas this year. She headed over there this afternoon after a fun morning together of The Muppet Movie matinee and lunch at one of her favorite restaurants.
As a single mom, not having my child on a major holiday always brings mixed emotions. Most people would assume that it's totally sad, not having my little turkey girl here for Christmas, but it's not all sad. This is a time for me to relax, catch up on some work, stay up late and sleep in (!!!!), go to some grown-up holiday parties, watch American Horror Story on the DVR in the middle of the day and talk on the phone uninterrupted. I need this time to re-charge my mom-battery. I hate the phrase "me time" but that's what it is.
|Aubrey and Bob Barker|
Of course, the other part of me is sad that I won't have the traditional Christmas morning with her. These magical holiday years go fast and this is the first year she is excited about Santa Claus. The first year she actually gets the concept and is anticipating his visit.
Tonight, I was thinking that I hate not getting to see her reaction in the morning when she wakes up to discover the cookies and milk gone, her stocking full of treats and toys under the tree. But honestly, she's four and I bet she'll believe me if I tell her that Santa is coming one more night because he knows that she has two houses. Then we can have Christmas all over again next week when everyone else is standing in merchandise return lines and trying to figure out what to do with the rest of the kids' vacation days. We will be opening presents, having our own Christmas.
Motherhood has not been typical for me, in ANY way. Not since the day she was born. And while it's not a storybook ideal, it's still pretty amazing and I do believe we have a really splendid life together. We often have to make up our own rules and traditions as we go, but this is what makes our little family of two, special.
I hope you all have a wonderful holiday time this year, no matter what that means to you. YOU define your happiness and joy!
...and if you are spending time with family this holiday season and would rather be at home alone like me, check this out: